if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
