Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
