She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
