How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
