I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
