I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
