she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
