I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
