he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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