I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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