I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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