Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
