i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
