i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
