from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
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I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
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Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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