he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
