so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
