I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
