I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
