Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
