that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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