highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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