The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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