I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
