she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize