We're facebook friends in real life
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
