threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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