Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
