I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
