I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
What a dumb baby whore.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
