I will die if light touches me.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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