Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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