your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
