FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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