I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
