She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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