His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
