Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
