I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
