It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
