there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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