So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
