We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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