im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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