Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
