I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
