is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
