Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
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i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
