oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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