drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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