no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
