dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
