You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
