I seem to have left my pride at pride
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You ruined the universe
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
