is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
