I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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