Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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