Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
