Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She's the barista slut.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
