I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
