ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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