just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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