i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
