Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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