I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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