Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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